In which a lowly street vendor overcomes ridicule and risk to become a member of The Singularity's special forces. An entry for CAT 16 of DA3.
About this creation
"The years of man are but three score and ten;
Shall I for my whole span ply this poor trade?
Since boyhood I have dreamt of exploits bold,
As hot-dog flipper I will not grow old!
I am resolv'd. From this day Martin Danger,
Shall seek the noble title of a Ranger!"
"Marry, 'tis lunchtime."
"Nay, good sirs!
Mark not my garb. I would enrol myself
In service martial. Is this the office?"
"'Tis true, from here we summon forces great,
To guard the borders of our noble state.
But of one fact thou comest unawares -
For regular enlistments, go downstairs."
"Oh bid me not to join the rank and file!
A ranger I would be, and nothing less."
"Surely you jest! Or else I have misheard.
Purveyors of hot snacks such as thyself,
Know not the hardships of the battle-front.
What say you noble guard?"
"He is not fit."
"Aye, in the stew thy plan would prove half-baked.
I will not send thee to thy doom. Mark this,
The Ranger Corps is no place for a chef."
"But Sirs, if I may.."
"Peace. Be on thy way."
"O, curse the day I donned these whites and toque!
To all my future hopes they are the lock.
Had they but let me speak I would have show'n,
What martial hunger in my soul has grown.
And told how by the myst'ry of the fates,
Was I raised in the jungle by primates.
From them I learnt to climb, and hunt, and hide,
And many esoteric skills beside.
'Tis well. By wearing mask instead of toque,
I'll bear the likeness of my foster folk.
As a guerilla chef they mark'd me little.
So as gorilla chef I'll prove my mettle!"
Thus resolved, Martin sets off into the jungle on his cunning walking machine, accompanied by his faithful aardvark, Sneakers.
Coming across a mysterious building guarded by an undead mummy, he quickly hatches a plan!
It's well known that mummies are rather slow and clumsy, so perfect targets for the old banana underfoot trick. Sneakers draws the guard's attention...
Allowing Martin to make sure he's out of action with his trusty skillet.
Deep within the building he finds a hidden enemy comms relay!
A bomb cleverly disguised as a giant apple will make short work of it!